Saturday, July 31, 2004

Haiz... just came back after going out with Ziyi... met him at about 5pm after my lessons ended... actually wanted to watch "Ella Enchanted" or "House of Flying Daggers", budden in the end din get to watch it, cause the former wasn't screening in Cineleisure whereas the CJ wanted to watch the latter, so we could not watch it by ourselves first (By the way, CJ couldn't go in the end cause he had some project gg on... ps me!!).

Well, as usual, the two of us walked again... walked from Somerset to Douby Ghaut... cause we wanted to have our dinner there... ended up in Long John Silvers.... pretty okie lah... food was alright, but cheap... den after that we sorta walked around the place a little, den we decided to walk to the Esplanade instead to try to catch the weekend free outdoor performances.

Have to sae that the performance tonight wasn't really that interesting... was a play about a flying pig or something... although most of the props used were puppets, but I somehow dun feel that the target audience were really children... cause I feel that there was some kind of hidden meaning inside... just felt that it was kinda thot provoking... althou I din really think too much after that...

Den went to the Esplanade library to see if there were any interesting shows gg on... however it was a disappointment... the dance area was showing some ballet instead of Riverdance (or similar)... so in the end decided to go eat ice cream instead... went over to Marina Bay... budden there weren't any ice cream shops around the area... den in the end we walked to Suntec City instead....chose Cafe Cartel... supposedly cheaper lah, budden it wasn't lor... wanted to get ice cream, but in the end we were so thirsty that we ordered some specialty Italian soda instead, plus a plate of potato wedges... din have much to do there, so decided to start doing my tys instead.... the integration of the area and volume was pretty hard... stuck at the very first question we attempted... called a number of ppl to ask... but it was unfruitful too... but as we did progressively, it got better and better.. so it was still not too bad overall...

After our supper, we decided to go home, cause it was pretty late already... so we walked over to City Hall... budden still very full, so Ziyi was very nice to follow my suggestion to walk to Douby Ghaut with me... althou it would meant that he would have to take a longer time to reach home...

So anyway, we just sorta walked a new route over to Douby Ghaut... it was this really eerie route along SMU construction site... it was really dark and the site was in a mess... very few streetlights and there were a couple of deserted buildings that looked really menacing... so we freaked ourselves a little (Just a little only hor!)...

Along the way we started to talk about our future plans... sorta discussed about wad we were going to take in university... most prob we would take business administration... den discussed which university would be better for the course... Ziyi said that the double degree course in NTU would take 1 less year than it would take NUS or SMU.. but I still like NUS leh... dunno if I would want to consider NTU... and the thing is that, we dun even noe whether if we really like biz-ad... wad if its different from wad we perceived it to be? I have already made a wrong choice choosing my present subject combination... I am really worried that if I chose the wrong major in future, I would do something that I wun like for my entire life...

After that we talked about frenship instead... it was kinda depressing to talk about frenship cause I have so few close frens... discussed the issue with the clique not too long ago... budden still feel pretty sad about it... actually Ziyi and I share the same sentiments... we realised that there were really so few frens that we kept in contact with since pri school (definition of close frens: those that I can still call without feeling wierd and still go out pretty often)... actually I can count using my fingers lor... not counting my NJ frens, I only have 3 close frens: Hui Chuan, Ziyi and Cheng Jong... finished 10 years of schooling and all I keep in very close contact with is like only 3 frens lor... Ziyi is not much better... he only has like a couple of frens, but some had already changed since JC, and now they are like so different from last time...

Just feel kinda sad about the whole frens thing... cause we feel that only school frens are the most reliable ones and the best ones, cause in the future when we go out to work in the corporate world (since we want to take biz-ad), we will never noe if the frens that we make are really ppl who genuinely likes us, instead of ppl who just want to noe us for their own personal benefits or gains... budden when we get older (like after late 20s), our school frens will all have their own personal lives to lead (like after they get married and have kids and stuff), and we are gonna lose contact with them... actually its quite true lah, cause even now we dun see many adults going out to town to walk and stuff... they just dun do such stuff anymore... most adults that we see are with their spouses... which brings us to the topic of spouses... we felt that it was really important to find a gf, cause if we still dun find one by late 20s, we can like forget about starting a family... cause its really gonna be pretty hard to find a compatible gf by then.... the thot of this scared me a little... if I still dun have a gf by late 20s, wad am I gonna do? Wad's the point of working when you cannot even have ppl to share with (besides my family)? Really depressing lor...

Which then brings us to the subject on teachers, cause I said I wanted to be a GP tutor... if I were to become a teacher, the choices that I have will most prob be limited to teachers in the school (provided that I still dun get a gf in university)... since I wun be able to have much life outside of school...long days will be spent in school and even if I have weekends to spare, who can I go out with, since only have a close circle of frens... I can't just possibly just go approach anyone on the streets and ask if I can befren them... ppl would think I am crazy... and anyway I would be too hum to approach ppl... so my life would get more and more lifeless... and the longer I teach in school, the less choices I will have, cause the new teachers entering the teaching career will get younger and younger, as I get older and older... so the chances of me getting attached will get lesser and lesser...

Even having good frens in school would be a tough job... Ziyi was just telling me that the teachers themselves are not that close at all, but they can still be able to interact and have lunch together and stuff... but once they get out of school dey wun go out together or something liddat, so its gonna hard to have close frens in school.. and in the end we still have to rely on our JC, sec and pri frens...whom I already have so little to start with, or other than that, I can go out with my gf, whom again, I dun even have one, and its gonna be so hard to find...

So this will end up in a vicious cycle... I would work for my life, and my time will be spent on all my students, and I wun have any fun outside of work once my frens all get married and have their personal lives outside, and I will just get lonelier and lonelier until I retire and get detached from society... would I really want to have such a life? Its so unimaginable lor... so really have to consider if I would really want to be a teacher...

Guess this is the reason why I dun feel like studying anymore... since I can only foresee a bleak future ahead of me... den wad's the point of studying so hard for??

Anyway, after that we reached Douby Ghaut, but we still have not finished our chat, so Ziyi decided to take NEL with me till Seng Kang, where he could take some bus to Bedok... budden when we reached Seng Kang, we realised that we had already missed the last bus by 10 mins... so no choice had to find a taxi.. budden it was still before midnight, so there were little taxis around (more would appear after 12 cause there would be some surcharges after midnight)... so we sorta ran around the entire estate to find a taxi willing to ferry us home... in the end we finally found one and brought me home... after that Ziyi still had to continue to take it home... poor him... hahah... hope he wun be too pissed about that!!